Today is the Yesterday

I am picky about colors. I am a perfectionist. I am detail oriented. I will always see the flaws in my work and think about the piece's distance from the original vision in my head. It keeps me striving, but it would be nice to leave those traits in a ditch somewhere, at least sometimes.

While photography just can't capture the beauty of metallic thread used well, I assure you that this piece is the most gorgeous thing ever and I am 100% happy with it. I thought I'd ruined it when I'd just stitched the variegated part of the border and the green metallic, but once I started adding the blue I was in love again. The pattern is in my shop now.

The quote is from Alan Mendelsohn, Boy From Mars by Daniel Pinkwater, a brilliant YA novel. It's a book that removed my feelings of self-consciousness about my vivid imagination, which I'd picked up when friends dumped me in 7th grade over issues like "doesn't wear brand name clothing/shoes, doesn't shave legs, doesn't wear makeup," things that many equate with an exit from childhood (I found the idea of being a Woman frightening and repelling). Pinkwater's YA novels helped me remember that imagination was valuable and it was totally find to still be playing Calvinball and pretending I was Caesar leading his campaigns in Gaul.

I'm currently reading The Sibling Effect by Jeffrey Kluger. As the youngest of five children, who siblings ranged from five to fourteen years older than me, it should be an interesting read. My siblings and I are certainly opposites of the stereotypical birth order traits (I think that birth order stuff is bunk, largely, in part because there are SO MANY other factors of equal or more importance). I really really need to start some early reviewer books I received, but I've not been able to focus well enough for print reading lately. 

I know I have a strange cat, because for her sitting in boxes is a sign of illness. Poor baby.

Fizzy Good Make Feel Nice

This was a commissioned pattern that fell through, so I decided to stitch it myself and add to the shop to recoup some of the time spent on it. The quote is from Black Books, one of my favorite TV shows of all time, but taken out of context (in the show it refers to alkaseltzer). 

The pattern is in my shop now. I have another piece to put in the shop, but I'll wait to post it until then. I'll have to come up th another design quickly, as I'm feeling restless! I have print books I need to read though (one was an early reviewer I got, so I have to properly review that one as well).

My migraines seem to really be triggered by humidity, which is just mean since West Virginia is really humid. I wish I could easily try out living somewhere less humid, but it's just not very doable. I'd like to say I'm doing better, mental health wise, but that's hopefulness more than anything else. Glad to be excited about stitching again. I think part of that is giving myself permission to use non-DMC/Anchor threads. I don't want buyers to feel they have to pay for more expensive supplies or use threads that might go out of production any minute, but there are so many substitutes that can be found. Choosing colors is one of the most fun things about stitching, but I know not everyone wants to make that choice themselves.

Wondrous Beauty

I liked this quote so much I stitched it twice (and I hate stitching the same thing twice). It's from a Moomins book by Tove Jansson (check then out if you haven't yet, I've read one and really liked it). 

The pattern is up in my shop now. Up to now I've been very hesitant to use any non-DMC thread in my patterns. A lot of people seem to have trouble choosing colors themselves and I felt like everything I used should be easily available. I've threw that to the wind with this project. Kreinik metallics plus "wondrous beauty" on both pieces is done with over dyed stranded silk from another Etsy sellers. I have pretty threads and I want to use them! I will probably try to stick to commercially available products though, since you never know when an Etsy user will close shop or get rid of an item.

Trying to capture the gorgeous gleam of the metallic border was frustrating and impossible. Then trying to have the colors be accurate on the black aida was as terrible as I remember. I love black aida, and I hate it. Everything looks so awesome on black though. Wish everyone could see these pieces in person.

I just finished an excellent book for book-lovers, When Books Went to War by Molly Guptill Manning. It's about the drive to get books to servicemen (they didn't bother supplying service women, annoyingly) during WWII, and the creation of the Armed Services Edition paperback, specially designed to be light and portable and readable in any situation. Books soon became the most important 'luxury' for the troops, and many wrote letters to the authors and publishers. This program is basically what led to The Great Gatsby becoming an American classic (mixed feelings for me, I found that book so boring).

The program created a generation of readers who knew the incredible psychological value of reading, and won over many who hadn't previously been readers. It's a wonderful, feel good story. Interestingly, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn was one of the most popular, despite being narrated by a young girl. Author Betty Smith received an average of four letters per day from servicemen and responded to all of them.

what, so soon?

I've been in a stitching frenzy lately, I think partly in response to being in extra pain and needing a fierce amount of extra distraction. 

A good sign that your nerve signals are seriously messed up is this ridiculous mirror image pain. So sometimes you'll hurt the big toe on your right foot but the big toe on your left foot will also hurt, and sometimes it's the left toe that will hurt most and continue causing more pain than usual for months. Thanks a lot nerves.

I'm waiting for the mail to bring me two more shades of Kreinik before I can finish up this baby. I wish it was easier to capture the total shine of metallic thread in pictures. The quote is from a Moomins book, though I'm not sure which one. I read one Moomin book, the first published in English, Finn Family Moomin Troll, and I think I understand why they're so popular (in Europe that is).

Wonder Woman!

 Finally stitched the last Wonder Woman pattern of the bunch I designed a while back. This one is my favorite, because this Wonder Woman totally gets me. The number of times I'm standing in my kitchen or bathroom totally bewildered as to what brought me there is sad (I mean, there's only so much I could possibly want in the kitchen or bathroom).

The pattern is for sale in the shop now. Maybe I'll do more in the series later, but I don't have any concrete ideas at the moment.


I finally mailed a birthday/new baby package to my friend Christine, so I can post all those pieces now. Her daughter's name is Maisie and she enjoys the Maisy books so this was an obvious choice to stitch. I created the pattern from a coloring book image, and you can find it in my free pattern section. She's a Beastie Boys so this onesie was a given (though I'm still only partially happy with it, and I didn't pay enough attention to wear the fabri-solvy had wrinkled up, making my crochet hooks extra wonky). And then a name piece for the new baby. There really need to be more interesting and neutral alphabets out there. If I go temporarily mad maybe I'll try to make one.

After the onesie I had a desire to do a super detailed embroidery of a skein of floss, but I think I've regained my common sense now.

I'm working on a new pattern using a quote from a Moomins book: "There's no need to imagine that you're a wondrous beauty, because that's what you are." It involves lots of metallic gold thread. Which, by the way, the difference between trying to use DMC's metallic flosses and Kreinik's thread is night and day. Kreinik is so so easy. I still use the thread conditioner on it, but I don't think that's a necessary step. Plus they have such a HUGE range of colors and different colors of glow in the dark thread and they're made in my home state! I didn't realize they were a West Virginia product until I got my order for the dragons piece. So pleased to support my fellow West Virginians.

A Very Pretty Hate Machine

Super ironic that I finished this on the day the marriage equality ruling came out. My hate is focused on bad drivers, people moving my books, listening to people with no knife skills chop carrots, etc... I reserve dismay, shock, and confusion for people who think that marriage is strictly a religious matter or who want to take certain parts of the Bible literally but not all of it (as a mortal, I don't think you get to decide what should be literal and what shouldn't, that's ridiculously presumptive). Not to mention that they've forgotten the whole separation of church and state thing.

Anyway. New pattern in the shop. Sometimes a random, tiny moment of a TV show, movie, or book sticks in your mind for reasons you can't really explain. Such is the case with me and this moment from an episode of Celebrity Deathmatch with Trent Reznor. Steve Austin encourages the glum Reznor with the mantra "I am a very pretty hate machine," (Reznor has an album called Pretty Hate Machine) and thus a smidgen of late 90s TV was forever lodged in my brain. I used to say this a lot when I was younger and wanted to be imposing and intimidating more than anything else. But I was 5'4" and generally petite with a chirpy, expressive voice and an endless imagination so no one was ever intimidated.

I usually stick to DMC floss in patterns that go in the shop, but this seemed like a perfect opportunity for the Caron Wildflowers thread I'd bought a while ago. Hate Machine is a dark red, purple, and blue in person (hard to capture with the camera). I also finished the second corner of the tablecloth I've been stitching. I changed the centers of the daisies to a lighter brown, which I like much better. I don't think I'll change the first corner though, it will just be the test corner. The pink and blue threads in the tablecloth are from the Etsy shop Spiraldyed Fibres. The yellow is from Nina's Threads, and the green is Caron Waterlilies. Everything but the flower centers is done in silk (centers are just DMC).

Just Drawn that Way

 New pattern finished and up for sale in the shop! Doing that fill took so long. Probably at least eight hours.

I wish metallic thread photographed better. Any Jessica Rabbit quote really needed some glitz and it does provide it well. I've altered the bust highlights in the finished pattern.

The metallic went okay once I started doing the one thread folded (with slipknot at the needle eye) method and started using the Thread Heaven conditioner. The silver was way easier than the red though. The red peeled easily to show a bloody silver core. What is DMC thinking? Surely they could use a red core? 

I'm working on and off on this Ink Circles pattern. I also went a bit nuts ordering pretty silk floss from an Etsy seller. The really vibrant ones tend to be less vibrant in person, just so you know. The yellow-orange is really gold-brown in person and doesn't look as nice against the blue as in the photo, but oh well. I was eager to try out the silk floss on something.

Foxy

I'm so happy to be able to post this now. I made it for a friend's birthday and I had an incredibly difficult time not talking to her about it. I'd find myself starting to send a picture (as would be usually for a project I'm working on), before going NO! Plus, then you have to make up other things you're working on when they ask. So hard.

The design is from some wrapping paper the same friend used on a Christmas gift for me. There's the big lesson - use super awesome wrapping paper for me and I will embroider it for you. It was impossible to resist.

The tail satin stitching got rumpled while I tried to rinse out all the fabri-solvy. AWFUL. Never using that again when there's much satin stitching. It's all the most satin stitching I've ever done I think. I don't know why I've avoided it, as it's really not difficult, and certainly faster than the loose long and short I often use for big fills. I guess I worry because it's easy to snag and mess up after you're done.

The third season of The Great British Sewing Bee starts next week! So excited. The real draw of it and the Bake Off are seeing a group of lovely, kind, caring people do something they're really passionate about. When it's something that many (or most) people don't do at all that makes it even more special. Since there's no big prize and they're amateurs they're all just lovely to each other. 

I've gotten swept up ordering some hand dyed silk embroidery floss. No immediate plans for it of course, but it was soo pretty... I bought a vintage tablecloth embroidery pattern on Etsy (one of those with the design printed on the fabric), so maybe I'll finally start work on that.

Also finished a new piece for Etsy, so I'll post again soon with that. It's a quote form Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Rewatched that for the first time since childhood recently and it's so good. Still just incredibly enjoyable.

More Wonder Woman

I can't believe it's been over two months since I posted. Sigh. Life is life, the holidays are always tough. Now I'm just straining ahead for the end of February and our annual beach trip.

I just posted another Wonder Woman Wonders pattern in the shop. Now I'm working on an Ink Circles pattern and a Roger Rabbit pattern I made with the quote "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way." Why did I let so many years pass before rewatching Who Framed Roger Rabbit?! Such regret.

I'm also working on self-portrait from a picture taken almost a decade ago. Decided now's the time to do a massive amount of split stitch. Foolish foolish, Meredith. The Roger Rabbit pattern utilizes metallic thread, and I'm pleased to say that after following all the advice it wasn't difficult to work with at all, though it is easy for the stitches to become really messy.

My reading habits got really neurotic last year and my goal for 2015 is to stop that. I always feel like I need something to replace work in my life but it's not good to tie self-worth to productivity of any sort. I did have fun making a calendar where each month shows the books I read in that month in 2014 and another with books on my to-read list.

Next week the author of Toms River, Dan Fagin, is giving a lecture in my city and I'm really excited. The book was incredibly well done, not to mention important. I highly recommend it. Fingers crossed I'm able to go to the lecture.

Long lost something or other

What do I do with all my time? For the last while it's been audiobooks plus simple, mindless games. I've been having more trouble with the world of abled people, who, sometimes despite being Very Good Liberals, decide they're entitled to decide what is or isn't ableism, what is or isn't *truly* offensive. It has been triggering. I have hesitated to use that phrase for a while, but that's just what it is. It's not specific words or phrases that ruin me, it's the response when someone tries to educate them and it's able-splaining that follows. Ableism is so incredibly ingrained, we know that, we don't blame you for not understanding, we blame you for not being willing to learn.

Oh, wait, I had a purpose for posting! It's a new pattern and it's up in my shop. It's inspired a series, albeit with a very different message. Today I'm hoping to start the one that says "Wonder Woman wonders if you have your keys." I've never had a key problem, but many people seem to. The other already designed is "wonders why you came in this room anyway." And the figures have different poses. It cracks me up.

I had some vet scares with my cat, where were distressing. She seems to maybe be okay now? I don't know. She's almost 11, so I've been keeping my eye on her. I did learn that her teeth are in excellent shape, which was a relief. I bought her a spider costume in revenge for making me worry.


I also cut my hair (undercut all the way around) and discovered I finally have a white streak forming if I part my hair on this side. I have been waiting ages for this! I've realized I don't feel entirely like myself if I don't have at least a little bit of my head shaved.

I have read a lot of books in my internet/stitching absence. Only 9 more before I'm at my goal for the year. The goal was picked for it's being divisible by 52, but we'll see if I want more after a couple weeks of re-reading to my heart's content. Next year I'm not going to keep a numerical count as I read, and I'm going to list re-reads just as I list new-to-me books. No more making reading a job. I always still enjoy it, but I need to get away from productivity = worth so badly. In happier things, I made a giant image showing all the book covers of the books I've read this year (well, not quite done yet, obviously). And I made an animated gif of the books I read from my "things I own but haven't read" list, which is super pretty. Yup, I purposefully read them so the spines would make a rainbow (mostly in that order too, barring a few things).

boo!

I know objectively it's fine, but that girl isn't me.

Me? Again? So soon? Why yes.

I think maybe I need to be okay with posting even when I don't have an update on a piece of embroidery. I am working on something now, but it's a maybe-gift, so you know how it is. 

The wedding I was in went well, and I'm really glad I got to go and most glad I got to just hang out with the bride and get to know her a bit. The whole thing was beyond exhausting though, and I almost cried because my mom forgot that I can't eat American cheese and got a lunch where everything had it (can't as in it makes me gag severely and feel sick). I had a full face of makeup though, which kept me from losing it (though also made me feel like a clown since I almost never wear ANY make up).

On Thursday morning I leave again, which I was feeling better about pain-wise until a minute ago when I severely banged my foot on something and now it's bleeding and throbbing and sending shooting pains through my feet. I find it frustrating that I run into things so much, like zero personal spatial awareness, even though on tests spatial awareness in problem solving and such is my strongest point!

The wedding was in a rose garden.

Soon I'll be working on a cute wedding embroidery for the couple. Them as little chibi-figures in their wedding outfits, plus the date and all that. I'm excited about that, because it will be just too cute.

The Ornate Bookshelf

Well, it's finally finished and up for sale in the shop now. It took a little over a month, though there were plenty of days when I couldn't work on it. I feel like the damn book outlines took the longest, probably because It's just so boring to stitch a long straight line.

I meant to post multiple times since the last update, but a big side effect of my depression is feeling like posting here or anyway is pointless, like my voice is at best annoying and at worst unwelcome. It's irrational, and I know that, but it doesn't make it easier.

Now I'm working on a non-counted piece now, and it may be a gift so I won't be able to post it. Not sure when will be next in terms of cross-stitch.

On Friday I leave for Charlotte and a friend's wedding. Right now I am freaking out a little, because of how awful my legs feel. After that I have a trip to meet my friend Christine though, and that's extra super exciting. If I'd never started doing embroidery we'd have never met. Plus she has an adorable baby and cat, so you know, bonus. 

Book Shelf - WIP02

The first stage of this project is done! Frankly, the text is too, but I'm waiting to post until the background is filled. There's nothing more annoying to me than the WIP picture getting way more attention than the finished piece! 

I can wish it would only take two days to fill the background, they're just half-stitches after all, but I fear that's optimistic. Working on the larger Q-Snap frame is also a lot harder on my arms. Hopefully it stays sunny so I can get good light to work out the color choices. I have my picks already, but you just never know how they'll look until they're stitched. That being said, experience has really started to pay off in that regard. I have a much better grip on how much two colors will merge when stitched next to each other than I used to.

Books You Should Have Read in School: Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. Just finished that recently and wow! I'd like to time travel and give it to my 19 year old self. What a beautiful book. Also, The Golem and the Jinni by Helene Wecker was amazing.

Lately I'm trying to get away from the obsession with being productive. This kind of internalized ableism, that we're only worthy if we can be productive, is so insidious (and practically ubiquitous to the chronically ill). There was a great Tumblr post about talking about what we find fulfilling or fun or just important to us rather than productive. I've been so guilty of that, I'm afraid, and it will be very difficult to shake. Change the language and you start to the change the world though.

Books

I'm working on another book pattern! I do love book related cross-stitch so much. This one will include the quote "Books are both our luxuries and our daily bread," under it (quote from Henry Stevens, an early American book collector).

When I list the pattern in the shop I think I'll also include versions using this quote from Malcolm X:  "I could spend the rest of my life reading, just satisfying my curiosity."

It's shaping up to be a beautiful piece, and I'm really pleased with it. I'll be doing the background of each book in a lighter shade of the main color. I wish DMC made more dark reds.

I had a wonderful CouchSurfer over the weekend, which really brought home how much I hate living by myself. It's very hard to be alone with myself so much. 

September will be a busy month for me. I'll be going to a friend's wedding and then visiting my best online friend (ha, ridiculous qualification, my best in-person friend in my mom). I'm so excited to meet her and her adorable baby.

Triangles

Just bumming around stitching small geometric pieces. I like it, though there's a fair bit of wonkyness due the usual issues of brain fog and not really caring too much. It's a quick, easy project in any case. If I make another I'll probably choose one color but a lot of different shades.

I read an amazing memoir, Mean Little Deaf Queer by Terry Galloway. I really can't recommend it enough. Also the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is one of the most important books I've ever read. All the myths about abusers and abused people are slashed through. I think it's especially important for all young woman to read this book, just to know the traits they should be concerned about in partners. Everyone should read this though.

The postcards I had printed should get here today. I really should have taken advantage of the sale and had more designs printed. I got the Misandry one, my DMC color project (though it's cropped), and my "If books are not good company, where shall I find it?" piece. 

There will be a little run of cooler weather this week, which I'm quite excited for.

Misandry!

Bec gave me permission to turn her pixel artwork into a proper cross-stitch pattern and distribute it. I'm pretty happy with the colors, though I've changed the notation to a different light pink in the pattern (one that's slightly pinker).

Here's the pattern with colored blocks and symbols. Here's the pattern with black and white symbols only. In case there's any confusion, misandry is basically a joke term. Individual people can discriminate against or dislike men, but it is not sexism, it is not a widespread, institutional system that discriminates against men in a vast, societal way.

The piece pleases me so much I'm having postcards printed of it. If you'd like one, feel free to e-mail me your address (mabithdarling at gmail).

Summer has been hard, in part due to being stuck inside so much, and a lot of extra pain lately. Some excellent reading though, and I got the best book holder ever, The Book Seat. I really recommend it if you have trouble holding books. Some reviews said it tipped with heavier books, but I didn't find that to be true at all (and I tested it with the largest, heaviest books I have). It even works well with mass market paperbacks.

penguins! reading!

My swap partner received this, so now I can show you what I made for The Great Tumblr Needlework Swap! Hannah had reading and penguins on her list so I felt compelled to design this.

I might clean up the drawing a bit and put it in my free pattern section (just added The Cheat and my dalek pattern there), or I might try to design a slew of cartoony animals reading patterns and sell them as a group. Who knows!

The World Cup has been slightly breaking my heart. Not so much in terms of the US loss (I never expect us to do that well, and I don't think much of Klinsmann's coaching), but I'm still upset over Mexico's exit (due to cheating by The Netherlands) and Algeria's near thing with Germany. So pleased for Costa Rica and Colombia though, and I will be cheering for Belgium due to personal connections.

well hello

I got over my embroidery swap fear and finally joined on, and got my piece done on time. Hopefully have it in the mail tomorrow. So excited. I'll post the piece once it gets to the person.

What I can show you is the sweetest knit plush I've ever made. I made it for my friend Christine's baby, Maisie, a first birthday present. I love it's face soo much. Cute, right? Free pattern here.

I changed my couch surfing setting from not hosting to maybe hosting and got five requests in about four days. Two were way too last minute for me, but I've got someone coming Monday.

The World Cup is on and that is literally all I'm thinking about. My brain is so drained from watching three games every day. It's shaping up to the best Cup since 2002. Great play, some surprising games, some gorgeous goals, and some annoyingly over-zealous refs (as per). Soo delighted with Mexico, especially after their dreadful qualifying play, and England is playing far better than I expected.

The US has been badly coached and were trying to play a German style of soccer, but we don't have the passing accuracy or confidence for that. For god's sake, just focus on speed, endurance, set pieces, and passing accuracy! Don't think about style AT ALL! Gawd. I could talk about the games all freaking day.

Hello

Oh, hello, I do still exist.

It's been a hard time, and I don't really know how to get out of it. I'm working on it. I stitched this, and I'm working on a project now for the Tumblr needlework swap, which I'm pretty excited to show you (probably in a week). 

My main interest now is that the World Cup starts tomorrow! Soccer is rather my thing, it was always the family sport and I love World Cup time. There are some interesting groups this year, with some of the best teams having no strong competition in the groups. There's certainly a possibility that the US won't advance to the round of 16, likewise England and certainly Mexico who played appallingly during qualification. My main away team this year is Uruguay who I usually cheer for anyway due to quite enjoying saying Uruguay in a Colombian accent.

Never read the book The Land of Mist by Arthur Conan Doyle. It is SO BORING and so depressing that he wrote it (it's about spiritualism).

knitting

Haven't started any new stitching projects. I knit a couple fluffy scarves for my niece in hot pink and purple (those being her favorite colors currently). Her birthday was on Easter this year, and today is my birthday. She is now three and I am twenty-nine. As we left on Sunday she told me "I'm glad you could come and give me birthday presents." Too cute. She was very happy with the scarves.

This month has been hard. I think I'll feel better when we're past my birthday, but I've been saying things like that for a good year. This morning started with confronting a postal supervisor who was not super helpful. My last two Graze boxes were likely misdelivered and who knows if I'll ever get them.

I've been knitting a soctopus, and stuffed a wool octopus I'd knit ages ago and randomly found again. I even remembered to take them to my mom's house so she can felt it in her washer.