Sillyness

Nothing cheers me up like an early Chip and Dale cartoon, either vs. Pluto or Donald Duck. I love them getting the best of Pluto because I never liked him. Or Mickey really. I'm a Donald Duck girl, always have been. They still make me roar with laughter, perhaps even more than when I was little, in a way that my dad may have found worrying.

I need a lot of distraction lately. I have a doctors appointment early tomorrow morning. While I dislike most of the appointments if only because they put me in so much more pain, this is a new doctor which is even worse. I suppose it doesn't sound bad to most people, but it means retelling my whole story all over again. Six and a half years worth of pain and different doctors and treatments and bullshit and stuff that makes me cry.

Anxiety was never a problem for me. Life never scared me, people never scared me. Even when I first got sick the doctors didn't bother me. I got upset at appointments and cried a lot, but that was because no one could tell me what was wrong with me. The doctors just got worse and worse though. They didn't listen, they didn't answer questions, they didn't have even a tiny sliver of comprehension for what my life was. 

So now appointments make me quite anxious indeed, to the point where my blood pressure and heart rate shoots up stupendously and needlessly worries everyone. If I didn't have my mom to go with me I don't know what I'd do. Sometimes even talking about these things will just make me weep uncontrollably and once I start crying it's difficult to stop, and doctors don't look well on crying twenty-somethings with chronic pain.

The only thing to do was listen to a a Terry Pratchett book and now to pick up a nice familiar read to empty my brain pan. So I recommend you pick up a Pratchett book as well, they're some of my favorites ever. I started out with Hogfather which is a great one to begin with, I felt. The audio editions are amazing!