Wednesday, July 16, 2014


Bec gave me permission to turn her pixel artwork into a proper cross-stitch pattern and distribute it. I'm pretty happy with the colors, though I've changed the notation to a different light pink in the pattern (one that's slightly pinker).

Here's the pattern with colored blocks and symbols. Here's the pattern with black and white symbols only. In case there's any confusion, misandry is basically a joke term. Individual people can discriminate against or dislike men, but it is not sexism, it is not a widespread, institutional system that discriminates against men in a vast, societal way.

The piece pleases me so much I'm having postcards printed of it. If you'd like one, feel free to e-mail me your address (mabithdarling at gmail).

Summer has been hard, in part due to being stuck inside so much, and a lot of extra pain lately. Some excellent reading though, and I got the best book holder ever, The Book Seat. I really recommend it if you have trouble holding books. Some reviews said it tipped with heavier books, but I didn't find that to be true at all (and I tested it with the largest, heaviest books I have). It even works well with mass market paperbacks.


  1. Uh, no. Just no. Discrimination against someone you feel is discriminating against you is still hateful. You can't expect to be respected by someone if you disrepect them.

    Misandry exists. I see it all the time from feminists who seem to think that all men are evil, rapey, violent bastards. I see it in the court systems who automatically award parental rights to the mother regardless of her ability to care for children. I see it whenever people assume that any man who is anywhere near children must be a pedophile. I see it whenever women are automatically afraid of any strange men in their vicinity.

    Misandry is not a joke term. It is saying that you hate one half of the human race just because they were born a particular gender -- something that they have no control over. For someone to glorify it by making a "cute" design out of the term is just hateful.

    I won't be back to your blog or your Tumblr page due to the hateful attitude I've seen here today. I'm very disappointed in you.

    1. I'm sorry you feel that way. Disliking someone for no reason isn't okay, but when misandry is used overwhelmingly by white males who think it is akin to the misogyny that women experience from every section of their lives, that's not okay.

      Very few feminists hate men or think men are evil. Also, if you actually look at statistics, courts overwhelmingly give custody to men WHEN THE MEN SEEK IT, even when there's a documented history of abuse by the man. Those are also not effects of misandry, but the flip side of misogyny which insists that childcare is "women's work." Misogyny certainly hurts men, but not in the courts.

      When women are nervous of strange men, it's usually for good reason. Part of that is because when women are assaulted they are often blamed for it. Being drunk excuses the man's actions but if a woman drinks it makes it her fault. Even when there is video and photo evidence of an assault often the women is the one who is harassed and the man gets away with community service. If a woman is assaulted by a guest in her home she is often blamed for letting him into her house while alone rather than comforted because someone she trusted turned out to be an abuser. Women are told not to walk alone, not to drink at parties, not to go out after dark from a very young age. But those who are nervous of strange men typically have a history of abuse.

      (White) Men are not oppressed in our society at all, they are immensely favored. When a few women hate men, it doesn't hurt all men, though it may hurt a few individual men's feelings (which is no more than what happens to women every day from completely strangers commenting about their weight to rape jokes on primetime tv to men thinking they should be able to tell random women to shave their legs), but widespread misogyny does hurt all but the most privileged of women and men into the bargain, every day, in their jobs, in the courts, in law enforcement, in the home, on the street.

  2. I just googled Book Seat and fell in love. I'll have to see if I can find one in Canada. Thank you for mentioning on your blog :)

  3. I hope you find something to help you manage your pain, Meredith *hug*

    CelticRose--who probably *is* monitoring this blog for reactions to her flounce--is free to be outraged by your design and your take on the word. She--if it's indeed a she behind the screen name--may not live in the same world most women live in, where we are always the hated and despised half of humanity.

    Oh, and true feminists? We want equality between all people, regardless of what plumbing your were born with, which gender you identify with, or who you love.

    1. Thanks, I needed that. I'm not good at confrontation, but the culture of misogyny hurts all of us, all but the most privileged of women and men as well. I feel so strongly about it. Many women have internalized so much negative thinking (all that "not like other girls" bs for one thing), and it's so depressing. I like how all feminists are judged by the tiny minority of TERFs and rad fems but we shouldn't be wary strange men going by the frankly horrifying rates of sexual abuse...

      I expected something like this to pop up somewhere, but didn't expect it on this blog, and that did hurt. I really appreciate your comment. Having just read the amazing book Why Does He Do That which busts all the domestic abuse myths, I feel a little stronger about this stuff.

    2. Whenever someone brings up the poor abused men in a conversation about misogyny, feminism, equality, sexism, etc., I tend to dismiss that person as blinded by their privilege.

      Yes, there are good fathers who are not granted custody of their children, even if/when they seek it--but a) not all the mothers in those cases are undeserving, even when the father thinks they are (and I know whereof I speak, as my ex took me to court three times, on the basis that I didn't make as much money as he did, and therefore I was not as good a parent), and b) the fact that a small number of men are discriminated against in a society that constantly and pervasively discriminates against the vast majority of women is--amazingly enough--a direct result of sexism and misogyny.

      If a person cannot see that, particularly when it's explained to him or her with supporting facts as evidence, then they definitely don't want to see it, and they never will.

      A bit like Ann Coulter and other women, who don't realize that the only reason the white males around them let them speak up in public is because it makes those men look better in a society that dares give everyone a voice. If there were no feminists, male or female, speaking up about sexism and misogyny, Ann Coulter and her ilk would not be allowed to open their mouths.

    3. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I really appreciate your support on this post, so much.

      You're definitely right, if Coulter or Palin didn't tow a particularly line they wouldn't be tolerated or asked to be part of the media.