Thursday, April 12, 2012


This is a bit of a departure, but there is stitching involved...sort of...

I saw a link to BiConfidence, on a friends' tumblr, and knew this was something I needed to be involved in.

I have always known I was bisexual. Well, that's not quite right. Until age 11, I assumed that everyone was bisexual. I didn't really understand the concept of gender or gender norms until about that age, as I'm very oblivious towards that sort of subtle brainwashing.

My life has always had a lot of duality. I've had long periods of having shaved heads and mohawks, dressing in the scruffiest and baggiest clothes, and then growing my hair out and wearing nothing but dresses, plus everything in between. I've never had anyone say I'm pretending to like punk rock music to get attention from boys. In my mind my broad tastes in fashion, music, food, and everything else in life, are just like my complete indifference toward the sexual organs of whoever I happen to fall in love with.

It really wasn't until after graduating high school that I experienced biphobia. Suddenly people who didn't know me at all were telling me I was confused about my own mind and heart. I encountered this negative attitude from almost everyone – straight men and women, gay men and women, even other bisexual women. I don't understand why people care who their ex dates after a break up, or what that person's sex is, as though it somehow changes or negates the relationship that ended.

After I became disabled I could only meet new people and potential partners online. This means that orientation is one of the first things they judge you on, before even thinking about your personality. I know countless bisexual women who have listed themselves as gay on dating sites because it's the only way to get a date with another woman.

It hurts to feel like you have to choose between being honest and dating. It hurts to receive criticism and contempt from all sides, with no safe haven away from it. I don't know any cities with heavily bisexual neighborhoods or bisexual bars or bisexual soccer teams. To be in the middle of the gay and straight worlds is to be marginalized.
Here's the pattern, if you want to stitch this too.

I'm 26 years old, and realized recently that I don't honestly believe I'll ever have another relationship, and that is due in part to biphobia (though most of it is because of only being able to meet people online). I'm not bitter or angry about it, just disappointed in the world for being stupid.

I am biconfident though. I know my own mind,  and my sexuality is not something you get to question.


  1. never mind what other people think! I feel sorry you have such a hard time finding a partner. But the most important thing in life is feeling right about yourself. So choosing for the honesty might cause problems, but it is the right thing to do. hugs

    1. Oh I definitely don't go in for the lying about it myself. I love my past too much to be willing to edit it in order to get a date. It's just the fact that I personally know of many people who have done that, and feel they have no choice, that depresses me.

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  3. I honestly don't get why the LGBT community isn't more accepting of us bisexuals. One would think that having first-hand experience of being descriminated against and stereotyped would make them think twice about doing it part of their own community. Sometimes I expect too much of people, I guess.

    1. Ugh, I know. It's like "Thanks for letting discrimination from idiots turn you into better people, NOT." I know it's probably technically a minority who treat bisexuals like liars and cheats, but it certainly FEELS like the majority.

      I honestly think that sometimes the general dislike for us comes from the fact that our love isn't based primarily on something as superficial as sexual organs, or maybe it makes them nervous since almost no one is 100% straight or gay and they need a rock solid label.

      This is a really good essay by someone much smarter (and probably nicer) than I am:

      It's mostly about why she thinks we need the word bisexual, why queer or pansexual don't suffice, etc...