Give a Man a Gun...

The last three or four weeks have just been... UGH. I got a really bad flu in combination with a bad fibromyalgia flare. I felt so terrible I wrote down all my online passwords in case I should croak.

Then, which I was just feeling well Madre and I went to the beach for our timeshare week. I felt fine but still hacked up phlegm all week. Got zero crafting done, and spent quite a lot of time in thrift stores (which is generally what Madre and I do, in addition to sitting on the beach with cocktails/food). I found this pretty awesome cross-stitch themed mug (if you want one and live near Morehead City, NC and want one, there's another at the thrift store run by the animal shelter).

I've been back home since Saturday, but my normal recovery time is further hampered by having to *do* things. Madre's moving house so I'm trying to be helpful there but I am beyond exhausted and aching now. I just want to curl up with a never-ending mug of tea and watch Rocky and Bullwinkle all day.

I did manage to finish a cross-stitch project yesterday and get the pattern posted in my shop. When I saw the quote (which it proves impossible to find an attribution for, though I have a feeling that it's a much older line which just suddenly gained new favor), I thought, as the Quakers do, "Friend speaks my mind."

Princesses Against Patriarchy

Well, here's the piece I couldn't show you yesterday. Now I have full permission. The design comes from the Tumblr Fuck Yeah Subversive Kawaii. I totally want to stitch all of those things and hang them above my niece's bed.

You can find the pattern for frees right here, and I hope lots of other people make it!

Now I'm working on a red cotton hat for my niece's birthday (not until April). I wanted to do a pointy gnome hat for her, but with this yarn the needles would have to be too small for me to use (to achieve the right stiffness). Now I'm thinking I'll turn it into an apple hat, with a happy little face.

I'm quite lucky that she and my nephew both adore the hats I make them. Also, how cute are they?!

Stay out of my Kitchen - finished

Well I think I'm done with this piece. I'm certainly done enough that I've posted the pattern on Etsy.

Right now the question is to outline in back stitch (probably all in black), or not? Now, if I'd done this on evenweave and with half-stitches, there'd be no question. 

Only with counted needlework your eye tricks your into seeing roundness. Once you outline it with only horizontal and vertical lines that goes away. I know that some patterns put diagonal outline stitches in even with no half-stitch of color underneath, but I really don't like that.

No idea what I'll start on next. Maybe another blackwork quilt piece (I already have the pattern made). I would like to get back to my Frida Kahlo piece, but I also feel like my shop hasn't been active enough lately. Maybe I'll do another shop piece and then work on Frida.

Stay the hell out of my kitchen - WIP 01

My 2013 has certainly started busily, and with not much time for crafting. I'm doing my "beginning of the year, man I should really do a deeper clean of my apartment." 

Things don't usually get disgusting around here, but I have a lot of stuff and few shelves, so it does get cluttered. When I get more depressed I tend to just piles things around me, both on the couch and my bed. It always makes me feel like trash women in Labyrinth. 

Today I listed my "I want to eat chocolates in a great big room where the world is a different place," piece on Etsy (finished, but unframed).

Now I'm semi-settled for a bit and trying to get some more work done on my Kitchen piece, the first view of which you see here. I'm listening to The March of Folly by Barbara Tuchman, and though I love her, I'm really sick of hearing about the popes and anxious for her to move on.

Time is a Drug - WIP 03

So close to finished!

I think/hope that I'll be done today. The text shouldn't take long, so that seems quite doable at the moment. You know how it is though, you've got the whole afternoon free, then you get a phone call and someone needs you to do something or wants to buy you food.

People are always welcome to buy me food, though, as I'll happily sacrifice stitching time to eating tasty things.

Time is a Drug - WIP 01

Here's the first look at my new project. 

The full quote is "Time is a drug-- too much of it kills you." The line comes from the Terry Pratchett book Small Gods, which is one of my very favorite Discworld books.

This piece will eventually have a super huge ornate border.

I woke up quite early today after staying up too late, because I was excited that my mum's home from Belgium. Of course this meant I accidentally took quite a long nap in the afternoon which means who knows when I'll fall asleep tonight, and it's all a VICIOUS CYCLE wherein I get very little done.

Daria, Jane, and Trent

My pattern of Daria, Jane, and Trent is now for sale in my Etsy shop. I think it turned out quite well, though the magic of backstitch decided "We'll twist these stitches just enough to make Daria look happy!" The universe has a funny sense of humor.

I'm already at work on the Fashion club stitching, and maybe a quarter of the way done already. It will eventually be one big group listing.

I've been so tired in the afternoons lately that I've gotten nothing done because I start falling asleep while I'm stitching. My instinct then is to get up and make lunch because that's involved enough that it wakes me up. I'm very much against napping, since I always feel dreadful or confused when I wake up from one. It's weird though, because sometimes I still can't fall asleep until late, despite barely making it through the afternoon.

Crafty Mother Fucker

Well, I finished this gorgeous pattern, which of course I can't photograph well since it's on black Aida. This is the best I could do, I'm afraid.

Anyway, I am pretty happy with it. If I were being really picky I'd redo Crafty in a different color, but I don't mind too much. The pattern is now for sale in my shop, and soon there will be a second picture with a very different color scheme.

My new project is a blackwork pattern I designed. It's all blackwork, but the design is a traditional quilt motif. It's hard to explain, but really awesome. This time I need to be extra careful about color choices though. There will be some variegated thread, for sure.

Understood Betsy pattern

Well, it's another book cover pattern for sale in my Etsy shop! This one for one of my very favorite old children's books. Understood Betsy is an AMAZINGLY perfect work of children's fiction. It should be just as well-known as the Little House on the Prairie books, yet it's not and this saddens me.

You can read Understood Betsy for free, since it's in the public domain. I think it's also still a common title to find in libraries. I really highly recommend it. I didn't read it for the first time until I was an adult, and I don't have or want children, but it was so much fun and appealed to me so much. A good book is good at any age (that does not mean that any book you liked as a kid, or as an adult, is a good, well-written book).

Anyway, here's a sneak peak at my newest project. I'll give you a hint and tell you that there is a third word coming and it is predictable. When the pattern is for sale though I'll also be offering 'clean' versions.

Grateful Dead - Steal Your Face

Remember this awesome embroidery? Well now you can have the pattern for free!

If you stitch it on 18 count Aida it will fit on those four-inch square coasters (the design window is three inches, this will measure just under 3 inches on 18 count).

It's been a long time since I sent this away, but I think I used DMC 304 and 312. In the colored areas (left mostly blank on the pattern, for ease of printing, with there to remind you what goes where) I used half-crosses rather than full cross-stitches, because that way it they don't overwhelm the outline.

As you can see I accidentally forgot the backstitch lines on my piece, and it looks fine without it. That's what happens when you fill in the colors without looking at the pattern (because why would you?) and then get so excited about finished that you pop it in the coaster. You can't open those things back up easily, not without cracking the top window! These are things I have learned.

Just click on the pattern image, then right click it and select 'view image' for easy printing (or saving, or whatever, you know what to do).

Women are not... Finished!

Well I finished the Women are not.. piece and the pattern is now for sale in my Etsy shop. If I were stitching it again I would do the colors a bit differently, but oh well.

Stitching on The Cheat has been a bit stalled, since I'm just been so tired lately. I know I keep saying it, but after that I really must get to the chintz napkin. The last bit won't take that long and I know I'll be overjoyed when it's finished.

Women are not... Stage 1

I finally started working on cross-stitch again and completed this text. The border isn't too onerous, so hopefully it will be done soon.

Today I finished my knit elephant, but I'm saving the pictures for later. She turned out very sweet, though far from perfect. 

This morning I spend a couple hours with my sweet nephew, who now starts a lot of sentences with "Well I think..." as in "Well I think I am a little thirsty..." We had a good time talking and reading my new book The Charles Addams Mother Goose, which is priceless.

He said something along the lines of "You should take a picture because we're happy and smiling." Adorable:

If you give a man a fire...

My break from Pogo was well-used, and helped me work a little more steadily on the monotony of black stitches. Pogo is actually almost done now, I just forgot to post about the quote piece yesterday.

This pattern is now for sale in my Etsy shop!

Choosing to stitch this on Monaco (an all-cotton even-wave) was a great choice. Blackwork is always harder to photograph though, so I must assure everyone that it looks SO much better in person. I'm really pleased with the combination of italic text and the wind-blown look of the flames.

When I designed the pattern I tried filling in the spaces between the second and the third flame colors but nothing really looked right. I have a new idea of how to do it so I might work on that a bit if I ever find the time.

This quote is from the Terry Pratchett book Jingo. It seems it's no longer in print in the US which is a crime! In my benevolent dictatorship I will be the one controlling what goes in and out of print.

Unlikely Small Ads - Maybe finished?

I've completed all of the text for my Mock the Week piece of Unlikely Small Ads. When I originally drafted the pattern I set the whole thing without a thick black outline, two stitches wide/high. Now I'm not sure whether to complete it with that border, or just put another line of black stitch along the bottom and have done with it.

Probably I'll leave it here, actually, because now it's just a tiny bit less than 10 inches wide. I'm thinking a dark grey/black mat and black frame, to really make it pop. 

The whole picture did turn out nicely though, and I think I balanced the fonts and the colors well, so that the words don't run together. The cursive is a bit hard to read at that angle, but it says "Lady seeks males for walks, laughs, and eye-watering anal sex." Again, here's the clip that this piece comes from.

Now I've been working on that damn wisteria piece, but I think it's time to go back to the old chintz napkin for a bit.

Unlikely Small Ads

So here's the first look at my Mock the Week cross-stitch project. I'm about halfway done with it now. It's a bit ruder than I usually stitch (though those parts aren't done yet), but it cracks me up.

This is a clip of that scene, though they spend almost the first minute of that video pissing around. I haven't used all the lines, but I did use quite a lot (there are 13 total). The "FOUND" one isn't in that clip but is in a BBC clip.

It's enjoyable stitching, much more so than that damned wisteria piece. Random swatches of color, few efficient ways to stitch, endless opportunities for mistakes you won't notice until hours later... I'm still missing a few colors for it, but hoping to get them today or tomorrow.

Celtic G - finished!

Well the G is all done and now it's ironed and framed as well! I'm fairly pleased with it. I would have done the date differently, but needed to do it the same way it appears on my nephew's. Though really, I'm pretty sure they'll never be confused about when they were born, so it doesn't matter.

Since that finished I've been working on the pattern for my Mock the Week - Unlikely Small Ads piece. It. Is. Frustrating. I have a newly discovered sympathy for the newspaper layout people. Though to be fair, they're not dealing with trying to find numerous yet diverse backstitch fonts and whether enough room can be made to squeeze in some cross-stitch fonts. 

It is *almost* done though. I'm just waiting to hear back from an English friend about the way something would be written there.

When I got too frustrated with it/couldn't sit with the computer anymore, I started working on a photo cross-stitch piece, as My Photo Stitch is my new favorite website. I've converted a number of flower photos I've taken, and actually started working on this wisteria and bee one. Let me just say, I hate this kind of stitching and pattern, as it's so...random. I do love the site though, and I'm trying to find good pictures of my niece and nephew to use.

Finished coaster

Well my lovelies, here is the finished Steal Your Face coaster which I'm rather dissatisfied with. The reason being that I left out some back stitch lines on either side of the skull that I meant to do.

My brain just can't hold anything anymore.

I have had a bit of wine so I'm not going to keep typing. Never know what might slip out!

Steal Your Face

Well here's the basic pattern for my Grateful Dead coaster. Again, it's from the Steal Your Face album. I think it turned out pretty well for the size. It should really have been a larger pattern in order to keep more of the detail, but this is for a coaster with a fixed size and even then I had to stitch it on 18 ct. Aida. I'll be doing the red and blue sections in half stitches so the black stays prominent.

I may design a larger more accurate version and who knows, maybe I'll do a series of band logos. When I was 15 or so I would do my own punk covers of Grateful Dead or Bob Dylan songs to annoy my mother. If only I'd known any Pink Floyd songs that would have annoyed her the most! Though I think in generally she's a bit scoffing toward most covers or any song she actually likes.

I've also gotten a bit more done on my Tintin piece and may possibly have found a decent orange to use for his hair. So now the trick is whether that orange makes the skin tone acceptable. The skin tone color is close enough to what's in the books but you know how it is, can't tell how it will work with the orange until the stitches are next to each other. It might at least work in half stitches, but I've used so many of those in this piece already that I'd rather have full stitches.

Tom Lehrer, part two

Well, she's all done. Live pigeons, dead pigeons, bottle of poisons, and a few skulls for good measure. Classic. 

It is obviously only the first of my Tom Lehrer lyric pieces. Next will probably need to be a line from The Old Dope Peddler. Also of course I need to decide whether to sell the pigeon piece or keep it for myself. I don't really have room to hang up more art at the moment, but eventually I might...

Now I'm waffling over whether or not to start another piece with a quote from Kim Possible. I can't tell whether it would be at all amusing to anyone else though, and while I know a few adult KP fans (it is seriously a hilarious show) I don't know that there are a lot of them. The quote is "Your fancy pants will become your very undoing," (it's best if you say it in a German accent). So, opinions? Workable? 

Otherwise I'll start work on Scrooge McDuck/Don Rosa quote piece that will be a Christmas present for my dad. I finished another Christmas present but I haven't blogged about it since it's such an obscure reference. I did design a nice blackwork ax for it though, which I'm a bit proud of.

Life is skittles and life is beer...

I love Tom Lehrer's music. Absolutely love it. My dad found it when he was in college and introduced me to it when I was in middle school. My first exposure was the song Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, which my dad chose to teach me (we drove a lot, so we sang in the car all the time) because I don't like birds. I spent a good portion of my senior year singing "Bright College Days" at people.

Yes, that was me in the park as a 10 year old running and screaming at the pigeons to make them fly away. You can't just run at them, they don't go far enough. I perfected a sort of squawky crow noise that worked wonders. I still do it as an adult, even from a wheelchair. 

So here's a WIP shot of the Tom Lehrer embroidery I'm working on. The border below the text will be a line of dead pigeons. Then I'll be doing rows of poison bottles and a skull on either side. Overkill? Perhaps, but that's the point of the song!

My favorite line in the song is actually "We'll murder them all amid laughter and merriment, except for the few we take home to experiment," but it doesn't make a good stand-alone embroidery piece. The line I chose is recognizable to fans but not the most predictable choice. Plus people who don't know the song might also find it funny. 

The only downside is that while working on it I literally can not get the song out of my head. Even while listening to other music my head is still singing about poisoning pigeons.