So my main life goal is to become Benevolent Dictator of the World or at least of the US. I wouldn't do anything drastic, most of my time would be spent making people obey traffic laws. I really dislike when people run red lights/stop signs, stop in cross-walks, don't use turn signals, etc... It drives me insane. Traffic laws are incredibly simple and generally straight forward and are there for your own damn safety. I mean how stupid do you have to be to break those laws?
Beyond that I would eat good food all the time and totally run the TV programming. No more awful reality shows, no more millions of Law and Orders, no more cancelling of truly stupendous shows like Better Off Todd, and no more American remakes of British shows. They're in English already! Also Turner Classic Movies wouldn't be allowed to show anything made later than 1960. Nothing made in the 1980s is a classic yet!
Anyway. I think my next project will be "bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out," or "never bet on an eggplant" (which is a quote from the Daniel Pinkwater novel Borgel). The latter is more obscure than I like to do, but Borgel is one of my favorite books. I'm listening to Shanghai Girls by Lisa See right now, but once I finish it I'm going to re-read some of my favorite humorous books to search for more good quotes, especially the Dortmunder series by Donald E. Westlake.